For the Love of Friendship: In Praise and Defence of Philia-Love in Tolkien

Warning: this post is going to offend some people. If you are one of those people, at least be civil when commenting. Until the Thought Police catch me, I will continue to praise and defend Tolkien and his world whether it runs contrary to popular opinion or not.

 Legolas and Gimli on the walls of Helm's Deep

In his wonderful book, The Four Loves, Christian apologist C. S. Lewis (and a good friend of Tolkien's) describes the four different types of love that people display towards one another. There is Storge (Affection), Philia (Friendship), Eros (Romance) and Agape (Unconditional Love). Each love is expressed at various times by the members of the Fellowship of the Ring and I will be touching on all four
loves in other posts, but the main subject with this one will be that of the most misunderstood - and undervalued, overlooked love of all: - Friendship.

Lewis writes that: ''Friendship is - in a sense not at all derogatory to it - that least natural of loves, the least biological, organic, instinctive and necessary,'' and this, to him, makes Friendship the most profound of Loves because because it is freely chosen without any sort of 'benefits' whatsoever. Romantic-lovers are always looking into each other's faces and talking about their love; friends stand side by side looking at (or seeking out) the thing which binds their friendship together; the same truth they both see. Lewis writes ''to the Ancients, Friendship seemed to be the happiest and the most fully human of all the loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it...''

But in Tolkien's books, Friendship is depicted as the most exalted of the loves in a way that - sadly - boggles the modern mind (read the Touchstone article ''A Requiem for Friendship'' to find out why). The whole Tolkien legendarium is littered with pairs of males whose intense, deep and enduring friendships (Frodo and Sam) are just as worthy of honor and recognition as the passion and devotion of the lovers (Beren and Luthien).
 And there are many: Frodo and Sam, Aragorn and Eomer, Merry and Pippen, Legolas and Gimli, Gandalf and Bilbo, Eorl and Cirion, Fingorn and Maedhros, Hurin and Beleg and Finrod and Beren, to name the most well-known.

 young Turin Turambar and Beleg Strongbow
First Age

The duty and love these pairs of friends exhibit and the sacrifices they make for one another- from Sam going with Frodo into Mordor to Beleg, the 'truest of friends,' enduring wandering, capture and injury to find Turin - is quite extraordinary. It puts our modern (and hamstrung) concept of 'friendship' to shame. It also confuses a lot of people who read The Lord of the Rings today. Why? Because now days one cannot form strong platonic friendships - especially same-sex male friendships - in the eyes of a current  society that has become so sexualized, so forceful of the homosexual agenda, that they cannot imagine it being any other way (hence the term: 'Friends with Benefits'). Don't believe me? Just go searching for Tolkien 'fan'-fiction (and some 'art') which takes these pairs of friends and throws them into the homosexual arena of slash fiction. You will find nothing wanting (even the characters of the Silmarillian are subjected to much of this treatment, although their stories will never - thank God - be turned into movie entertainment). But in Tolkien's Middle-Earth it is Philia, not Eros, that reigns supreme. Poor simple Sam shows much physical affection (what, who says platonic friendships can't be physical?) for Frodo: kissing him, hugging him, carrying him, sleeping with him (cloths on) and finally taking him for a piggy-back ride up the slopes of Mount Doom. Back in Tolkien's day, it was still possible for two men (or woman) who were close friends to display their love in such physical ways without being labeled as gay. But now things are very different, and so when some readers now encounter the kinds of friendship displayed in
The Lord of the Rings it is sad (though not surprising) when they then turn and write Sam and Frodo
slash fiction. Some claim they do this in order that the homosexuality-based union of people can have an 'equal' representation alongside the heterosexual one, but what is really happening is that they are
shadowing and replacing an ancient and praiseworthy expression of platonic, non-sexually driven love
[the love of blood-brothers, bosom-friends and battle-comrades] with an abnormal and objectionable
form of 'love' that is only a kind of lust that turns one's 'friend' into one's lover or one's whore (depending
on the views of the submitting and dominating partners of the 'union'). It is can no longer be considered Friendship. And when fan fiction slash writers force Frodo and Sam or Aragorn and Boromir into these kinds of unions they are not only undermining (and denying) the expressions and the reality of a passionate love grounded in friendship and not homosexual lust but they are also placing themselves above Tolkien by ordering his world and his characters in a way that suits and matches their own worldviews and ideas of
what love should be. Philia-Love can no longer be properly understood, so these 'fans' must make it
another kind, a kind they understand much better, and when this is done the deeper trappings of
friendship grounded in ideals and shared interests rather then sexual desire are torn down so all that
remains is the sexual desire and all the introduced feelings, angst and complications that come with it.
That two people of the same sex can draw their love from the spiritual and emotional plain without
dragging in the baser physical urges is a option that has become lost in the hypersexualized age
where if a character is not screwing someone - anyone, then the relationship(s) of said character are
somehow less interesting or important or meaningful then those of the characters that pursue sex within
a relationship whether straight or homosexual. I find it very sad when two male characters who are
friends or comrades-in-arms in classic literature (King Arthur and Sir Lancelot) or shows (Spock
and Kirk) are depicted in slash fiction as having graphic homosexual encounters and desires. It
takes away the relationship they had as friends and states that deep Philia-Love is either (A) impossible,
(B) uninteresting, or (C) unworthy of recognition or respect: hence it must be changed, overshadowed
or turned into a sexual one.

 Fingorn rescuing Maedhros

Thus, there is no room for friendship, no room for blood-brothers and sword-comrades, no place in literature or film for those who can love without the need or desire for 'benefits'. If one says 'I love you'
to his close friend of the same sex, the only meaning this statement has in the modern mind is: 'I want to screw you.' Even when I say 'I love you' to my good friends - both male and female - I always feel a tiny
twinge of awkwardness because I know that I could be easily misunderstood in my intentions to my
said friends, and that my words now could carry a boatload of secret feelings and 'repressed' desires.
It is a dry and sad place nowdays for those who desire to have close bosom friends as the ancients had
of old, and to share that special kind of love that Tolkien's Frodo and Sam or Legolas and Gimli have.
Once, a man could actually share a bed in friendship with his friend and would not be thought of as being sexually desirous of his bedmate. They could express their love freely and deeply, and thus their friendship would reach deep into their souls, and would 'surpass the love of woman' in its knowledge and depth and feeling: a union of hearts and minds rather then bodies.

 Friendship sealed: Elf-King Finrod gives his ring to Barahir
(father of Beren One-hand) as a token of his respect and love
and later dies defending Beren from Sauron's wolves 

But no more. No heterosexual same-sex friends would dare express their love for each other in such a way. And we don't expect them to. Heck, even if a father should linger too long in kissing or hugging his daughter before she goes to school suspicions are aroused. A quick hug, handshake or kiss is all that is tolerated in the affections of modern friendship, anything else implies, well, something else. That is why friendship in the modern mind is considered such a lowly form of love: because it has indeed become so - after all, why have true Friends (people you can trust with your soul and personhood) when you can have Friends with Benefits  i.e. multiple sex partners? Tolkien's characters suffer much for their friendships, both in the books themselves and within certain parts of the modern 'fandom'. The Peter Jackson films skillfully glossed over many of the 'embarrassing' (i.e. the touching and moving) emotional or physical moments between the friends, such as when a smiling, joyful Eomer expresses his delight at going into battle with the Three Hunters: ''[with] Legolas upon my left, and Aragorn upon my right, and none will dare to stand before us!'' or when a weeping Pippen tries to kiss Theoden's hand as he lies dying on the Pelennor Fields or Aragorn holding Boromir's hand and weeping over his dead body, or when Sam hugs a naked, tortured Frodo to his chest after finding him alive in the orc tower and the wearied Ringbearer can have a few blissful moments of peace: ''...[and] he lay back in Sam's gentle arms, closing his eyes, like a child at rest when night-fears are driven away by some loved voice or hand.'' This is one of the most moving scenes of loving friendship in the whole book, and yet we were unable to see it in the movie because the whole thing would have been very misunderstood by many people and the filmmakers knew that if they showed it it would only spark debate and awkward explanations, so this certain display of love was not seen, perhaps for the better (although I believe that the damage has already been done regardless).

  Sam comforting Frodo in Mordor

But not all friendships in Tolkien are of this deep passionate kind. Some are simply lighthearted and happy (yet strong), like Merry and Pippen's friendship with each other, or strange and mysterious, like Merry and Pippen's friendship with Treebeard the Ent, or the playful friendship of Legolas and Gimli that grows more profound and concludes with both of them sailing together to Valinor. Or, perhaps the most wondrous of all the frienships: Gimli's platonic yet passionate love and reverence of the Lady Galadriel,
whose honor he is always defending against fearful and ignorant men. My personal favorite friendship is the one that grows between Pippen and Beregond, a guard of Minas Tirith and Bergil his son (not in movie). Tolkien uses these characters to convey the life and ways and history of the people of Gondor and so that the reader can develop a feel for the lands and types of peoples that Aragorn is to take kingship of. By getting to know some of the inhabitants of Minas Tirith the readers can sympathize and care about them when the armies of Mordor lay siege to the White City, and the friendships that are forged are a looking-glass into the minds and hearts of the heroes and their choices and manners of expressing themselves. I was finally able to find a wonderful illustration of Pippen and Beregond together that conveys perfectly the kind of love that graces the heroes of Middle-Earth like a beautiful cloak that adorns the forms of the great Elf-Lords: a love without benefits: freely offered; freely chosen.

 Pippen and Beregond on the walls of Minas Tirith

      
There they are: a Man and a Hobbit, armed and awaiting the great battle; walking together on the walls of Aragorn's great City, talking: expressing their fears and hopes, getting to know each other without any hostility, awkwardness or confusion, and their friendship becomes one in which their bravery and virtue shine forth: they both save Faramir from being burned alive and later, in the battle before the Black Gates, Pippen saves Beregond himself (they both choose to stand in the front ranks) and almost dies too. Merry forms a similar bond of friendship with King Theoden, and by his desire to be with him and Eowyn's desire to go to battle the Witch-King is defeated. In the First Age, the Elf-King Finrod Felagund sets aside his crown and kingdom in order to aid Beren in his quest to obtain a
Silmaril and dies a violent death in Sauron's dungeons while saving him from a werewolf. If these forms of love grounded in friendship can't be considered just as valid and impotent as romantic love then I don't see what can.

All throughout The Lord of the Rings the members of the Fellowship of the Ring (as well as those they befriend throughout their adventures) use the word 'love' to describe their feelings to one another. While watching Theoden, Eomer and Merry ride from Helm's Deep, Aragorn tells his Ranger friend Halbarad: ''There go three that I love, and the smallest [Merry] not the least. He knows not to what end he
rides; yet if he knew, he still would go on.'' These words convey fully his love for the hobbit and recognition of his courage. After Aragorn is crowned King, he embraces Eomer, saying; ''Between us there can be no word of giving or taking, nor of reward; for we are brethren.'' Eomer's reply: ''Since the day when you rose out of the green grass [of the fields of Rohan] I have loved you, and that love shall not fail.'' The love of these two kings is based not just on their own personal friendship but also on the lasting alliance of Rohan and Gondor, each continuing to aid the other throughout the centuries. In Ithlinien Forest, as Sam watches Frodo sleeping peacefully, noticing how old and beautiful he is becoming and the light that seems to be coming from him, he thinks, quite simply: 'I love him.' And after all their great victories, King Aragorn-Elessar is unwilling to let the Fellowship be dissolved, telling them: ''At last all such things must end, but I would have you wait a little while longer: for the end of the deeds that you have shared is not yet come. A day draws near that I have looked for in all the years of my manhood, and when it come I would have my friends beside me.'' Thus when Arwen and the other Elves arrive the whole Fellowship is there to witness the wedding of Elfstone and Evenstar and see the long and secret hoping and labors of Eros come to fulfillment.

 Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli tending Boromir's body

All the loves (except, in this case, Eros) are found within the Fellowship of the Ring, but what makes Philia stand out so strong is the attitudes that the members hold not just in regards to their living friends but also to their dead friends as well.
After Boromir dies in battle and the Fellowship is broken, the first thing Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli do is tend to his lifeless body, not just debating how they should lay him to rest (cremation is not even considered; only cultures under the dominion of Sauron burn their dead) but also preparing his body for it: 'Now they laid Boromir in the middle of the boat that was to bare him away. The gray hood and elven-cloak they folded and placed beneath his head. They combed his long dark hair and arrayed it upon his shoulders. The golden belt of Lorien gleamed about his waist. His helm they set beside him, and across his lap they laid the cloven horn and the hilt and shards of his sword; beneath his feet they put the swords of his enemies.' They tow him out onto the river and Legolas and Aragorn sing back and fourth his lament as the funeral boat vanishes into the mists of Rauros-falls. These actions were also not depicted in the movie - which is also not surprising: as no one today cares for the bodies of their dead ones - they are now given over to strangers, usually to be burned. But only when their fallen friend is cared for do the Three Hunters turn to the seemingly more 'important' matters. In this radically diverse group of beings nothing is found lacking in terms of compassion, protection, healing, freedom, duty, hope and courage. Even your dead body is cared for and your requiem sung. These are also great expressions of love, though few are left now to understand - or appreciate - them.

The joy and freedom of Friendship, of just being with people who share the same truth without any kind of obligations or expectations (i.e. those ever-looming 'benefits') that are forced on them by confused people who don't understand  that there are (or were) other ways of showing love to others: dying being the greatest of all, in which Pilia morphs into Agape - the great Godlike love (here the crowns go to Boromir, Theoden, Halabard, Glorfindel  Finrod, Gandalf and Frodo). Yes, The Lord of the Rings is always going to stand out there as that giant 1031-page long tome that doesn't contain one dirty joke or sex scene, but in spite of that you will find plenty of love in it nonetheless, and if you have a person  in your life that you consider a true Friend, maybe you will come to regard that person as someone worth
dying for - for he might be the only one who loves you enough to do the same.

 Boromir defending Merry and Pippen

Go HERE for another good article on friendship in Tolkien